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Good morning, friends, and some soothing peace your way as we start the new week….
I was leaving my kids’ elementary school one afternoon this week after what felt like the 53rd special event planned for the first three weeks of May. I chatted with the father of my son’s best friend, peeling off my orange “visitor” lanyard in the front office and opening the door to sunshine’s warmth outside the heavy door. We were talking about plans for the rest of the day, the sports practices he needed to shuttle kids off to, the overall constant push of this pace.
“How about you,” he asked. “What are you going to do the rest of today?”
I paused, feeling the landscape of fatigue I’d been carrying after travel for me last week, travel for my husband this week, and kids who’ve been expressing big feelings about all this transition (not to mention the uptick of things at school).
“Well, I think my plan for the rest of the day is to just lower the standards.”
He laughed, but I didn’t. I knew my sanity depended on it.
I’ve been reminded recently of a book I listened to a couple years ago — Try Softer — by therapist Aundi Kolber. The main premise, as you can surmise from the title, is a refutation of the push-grind-try harder water we’re all swimming in. It’s a book about grace and ease, about believing a gentle approach to life can actually take us where we want and need to go (and be a lot more pleasant in the journey).
This hardly comes naturally to me, as someone who’s operated most of her life believing buckling down and gripping harder will fix things. But if there’s anything I’ve learned in the journey of grief over the years (or parenting, hello), it’s that forcing makes me feel like even more of a failure. That flow is where it’s at, even if that means a lot less done or some hard emotions to sit with/in.
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And really, grace is the most foundational cornerstone of our faith. God is God and you don’t have to be (and shouldn’t try). God unconditionally loves you, holds you, delights in you, is proud of you, because you are, no matter the mess in your heart or your home.
I wonder what it looks like to live as a friend to yourself, checking in regularly to ask, “do I really need to do this?” “How am I feeling right now?” Of course there are responsibilities we carry and some things that are much trickier and less optional to release. But what if we approached even those things with a “try softer,” “be gentle” stance?
When I feel I need to respond immediately to all the communication…try softer.
When I feel the urge to grip my child’s hand harder and pull them along to school…be gentle.
When I look at my day’s to-do list and realize I got half of one thing I’d written down done…grace requires nothing of me.
So, friends, when someone asks you what your plans are for the rest of the day, you might offer the “lower the standards” response. I recommend it.
A Prayer
A prayer for releasing and trusting, for flowing instead of forcing, from my book Ash and Starlight: Prayers for the Chaos and Grace of Daily Life, Second Edition…
When I’m filled with frustrations and questions
God, my Rock,
You hold me fast.
You keep me steady in seasons of waiting.
You keep me trusting in seasons of struggle.
You keep me hoping in seasons of confusion.
I thank you, God, for holding me
in all these times and for
keeping all my questions…
I hear once again your call
to hold my life with open hands.
To realize I’m not as
in control as I want to be.
I plan, prepare, hope, and pray,
but sometimes, surprises blindside me.
I try to make things go my way,
but sometimes, they don’t.
I work to change people I love,
but sometimes, they won’t.
I do my very best and work my very hardest,
but sometimes, it’s still not enough for what I want.
With your renewing fingers,
stretch and mold my spirit to
gracious nimbleness
and joyful flexibility.
Please teach me, God, to
breathe in your peace
when all seems uncertain,
and exhale anxiety
when all feels unknown.
To know it’s not the end of the story
when everything feels blocked…
And so, dear God,
I open my hands,
letting all I am and all
I hold fall into
the trustworthy hands
you stretch toward me.
Amen.
Psalm 116:7 * Lamentations 3:21-24 * Luke 22:42
“But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases,
God’s mercies never come to an end.”
– Lamentations 3:21-22
Something that nourished me recently…
*Pauses for reading…when I’m feeling overwhelmed with things, reading is one of the first to go. And yet, when I do take the pause (for myself or the kids!), I’m reminded why it is good for literally every reason and helps me feel like myself. Here we are with a Kathy Bostrom favorite, who has just released a beautiful new book, Daddy, Tell Me a Story.
*Returning to this Mary Oliver poem…
*The sight of my three-year old after he attended a friend’s gymnastics birthday party. The party favors were sweatband sets. Jane Fonda, you’ve got a willing partner…
*Lastly, this breath mantra…
INHALE: I am safe….
EXHALE: Things are always changing….
Ash and Starlight, plus other good things…
*SECOND EDITION OF ASH AND STARLIGHT ~ Find the updated edition of my book here at Chalice or at the Amazon link!
*MONDAY MANNA ARCHIVES ~ You can view previous Monday Manna reflections here, or for the really old stuff, go to my website.
Keep breathing in all the grace, friends, and exhaling all the frenzy. Try Softer. Be Gentle. It’s enough.
Love and Light,
Arianne
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I especially love the breath mantra. It says it all as I try really hard not to heavy sigh though that prayer.
I love this. I've been meaning to read "Try Softer". I think that this mentality is especially embedded in us from that South Dakota upbringing. I just heard a quote from Joseph Prince that I liked, "When you do more, you frustrate the grace of God. You have the opposite result. Learn to rest more. It’s not according to nature, it’s according to heaven, it’s according to God. We have to learn God’s ways."