Good morning, friends, and Happy Earth Day ~
The thing I most want to tell you today is we have a Wonder-Worker God who can redeem the most painful, sad, hard things of our lives. And as I experienced last week, sometimes this healing can happen exactly where the wounding did.
I shared in my last Monday Manna about running the Boston Marathon in 2013, the year of the bombing, and how I was preparing to run it again this past week. Through loads of God’s grace, it happened. Our weekend in Boston was one of the most redemptive experiences I’ve had in some time. As I returned to and ran upon the very ground where the trauma started, each step was a salve of new life.
One of my most powerful realizations in the starting corral was how so many people — the healing community — were integral to this journey over the last eleven years. Alongside the bombing, there were so many other losses for me in these years which the community carried me through. And my brother, Matt, and sister-in-law, Caitlin, dedicated themselves to running these healing steps with me. We held hands and gave thanks, chanting, “Team Victory” before we took off with the 30,000 other runners in the race.
It was familiar and new all at once…[arriving] where we started and [knowing] the place for the first time (T.S. Eliot. and ‘Little Gidding’). And we knew it was going to be a more challenging day than expected with the warm temps and full sun. With this in mind, we took off at a slower pace, committed to embracing what would come and the hills ahead.
Early on, Caitlin rolled her ankle, but fiercely persisted with her incredible grit. It was near the half-way mark, though, that the heat caused her GI distress and she peeled off for a break, insisting Matt and I keep going. It was a very difficult parting, but reminded me how the only things we control with races — or life — are the preparation and showing up. We are then asked to surrender and flow with what rises and what’s required.
Boston is infamous for its four major hills, all beginning around mile seventeen. The biggest and final hill — Heartbreak Hill — comes right near mile twenty. This was one of the most meaningful moments of the race for me. Upon cresting the hill was a huge sign arching over the road reading, “You’ve summited Heartbreak Hill. Newton belongs to you.” I grabbed Matt’s hand for a power surge and we entered the final miles of the race.
Though we’d hoped to pick up the pace, I began to feel a bit chilled and light-headed — the temps getting to me as well. Matt kept giving me cups of water to dump on my head at each aid station, and the smiles and cheers of the healing community along the sideline kept our stride.
Matt had coached me throughout, telling me to keep running with my head. But as we entered the final mile, turning on Hereford street and preparing for the finish on Boylston, Matt said, “Okay, Arianne. Now you just run with your heart.”
I brushed my hand against the Jasper stone a friend had given me to carry in my pocket — a stone meant to bring supportive, calming, and stabilizing energy — and we ran through the tunnel of elated, screaming crowds, crossing the finish line hand in hand.
Not too much later Caitlin finished as well, having persevered like a superhero after her stops. We made our way to the family meeting area to hug my husband, Jeff. It was eleven years ago the bombs went off right near there, sending everything and everyone into chaos. And today, we got to linger, surrounded by runners and families in a wide web of joy and relief — savoring the sweetness of this holy ground.
I’ve reflected this week on how at other times in my life, the redemptive miracle I longed for didn’t happen. But I also am realizing any threads of redemption are always miraculous, even when they’re not what I pictured (which is pretty much all of the time). Healing and redemption are all about allowing, receiving, and creating space for the Wonder-Worker to move. We surrender and trust. We don’t make the miracle.
And when we’re still in the place of the broken, sad, hard thing, the one promise we can know for sure is…
God’s not done.
“Resurrection means that the worst thing is never the last thing.” ~ Frederick Buechner
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A Prayer
This was the prayer of my heart this past week as I marveled at God’s tender and redemptive power. May it be a beacon of hope for your hearts and your own areas of rubble. From Ash and Starlight: Prayers for the Chaos and Grace of Daily Life, Second Edition…
When I need God to redeem this painful, hard, sad thing
Wonder Worker,
When I peered up from the hole
and saw no way out…
When what was taken
away gave no warning…
When I didn’t think I
had the courage
(or even the energy)
to live into a life looking
nothing like it did before…
Something was happening.
The thing I thought would break me –
that did break me –
is now making me.
Great is the mystery of faith…
The pieces of life’s puzzle
come together here and there,
or shockingly in a big patch at once,
and I see you…
active and good in all things.
Your power to redeem –
to take the most painful deaths
and birth from them living, breathing gifts,
taking my own breath away in awe.
You do not create pain for me to grow
or cause the heartache of my soul,
but are the expert Shaper of life’s ashes.
Somehow this terrible thing –
when given in earnest to you today
(and many tomorrows from now!)
becomes an open channel where
something amazing will flow.
A passage echoing
with a tender Voice –
You can trust me
with all the things….
in all the things…
You will lift me from this hole.
I will wail and wonder with gratitude.
I’ll begin a new kind of dance,
letting my limp remind
my soul and world
how broken bodies
learn exquisite new rhythms.
With you, pain finds a home
in something larger than itself.
And sacred scars hold haven over
wounds which will someday bless.
Amen.
Genesis 45:4-8 * Joel 2:25 * 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
“So we do not lose heart. Even though our
outer nature is wasting away, our inner
nature is being renewed day by day…
preparing us for an eternal weight of glory
beyond all measure…” 2 Corinthians 4:16-17
Something that nourished me recently…
*This is going to be one big photo/video dump!! From my marathon to my birthday (on the same day!)…It’s true, a picture is worth a thousand words.
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Ash and Starlight, plus other good things…
*SECOND EDITION OF ASH AND STARLIGHT ~ Find the updated edition of my book here at Chalice or at the Amazon link!
*WOMEN’S RETREAT ~ I’ll be leading a women’s retreat at Northminster Presbyterian Church in Evanston this coming Saturday.
Thank you so much, my friends, for being part of my healing community, and for all the support with which you’ve blessed me. My prayers and love are with you as you allow and make space for the Wonder-Worker to move in your life. God’s not done. And resurrection means the worst thing is never the last thing. 💛
Love and Light,
Arianne
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Beautiful! Sharing in the gratitude for this redemptive experience.
I can imagine your Dad peering over the banister of heaven cheering you on!🙏