Monday Manna
The difference between loyalty and love...
Good morning, friends, and much love, peace, and warmth to you…
I hope today is a bit of a pause for you — perhaps some time off of work or some time with loved ones—as we mark Memorial Day. To all of you veterans and families of veterans, I especially send my love this day.
As followers of Jesus in a time when nationalist idolatry feels fiercer than ever, today is a day when two things are true. We hold deepest respect, gratitude, love, and grief for the lives of courageous men and women who died in war. For many of us, these are our beloved family and dearest friends. And, we remember our continual call is toward peace and systemic change so that someday, “we ain’t gonna study war no more.”* This is not a day to glorify military violence, but rather, to lament its cost, honor the profound value and humanity of all, and ask how we can be the peacemakers God names us to be.
Along these lines, I have really been chewing lately on the difference between loyalty and love. Those words have become somewhat conflated, especially in this era of rising White Christian nationalism. It can make national holidays feel somewhat tricky right now.
I have been reading Father Richard Rohr’s book, The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom in an Age of Outrage. It is a book to walk through slowly and confessionally, and I am finding it to be such a helpful companion during these times. There was a portion I recently read in which Rohr briefly touches on the difference between loyalty and love, making me realize how much not just we as a society — but I myself — have subscribed to the shallow and brittle former, rather than the strong and expansive latter.
As Rohr describes, our penchant toward loyalty, rather than love, is connected to our tight grip on a punishment-reward system and a searching for power as dominance (this is also where war comes from).
There are many who can speak to this much more eloquently than I, but here is how I understand the difference thanks to Father Rohr, and I hope it’s helpful to you. As people of faith, we need to learn this.
Loyalty is often about control, or maybe a false sense of control. Loyalty is a sense of belonging, binding us with others in a form of group-think and group-identity. Loyalty can often become exclusionary (we know something about that!) as well as dualistic (especially with a “we are better than them” mentality). It really has no room for grace, because it depends on a system of fairness where the bad is always punished and the good rewarded (with your group being the good one). We also don’t normally critique what we are loyal to, because loyalty requires us to override the niggling sense there is more than one thing that can be true. It’s easy to see how, if we are not careful and conscious, what is described as a “love of country” is actually a blinded form of loyalty.
By contrast, love — true love — is, as Rohr says, “a dive into perfect freedom.” It lets go of fear and judgment, trusting in an abundant universe where everyone and everything can belong, where everyone is a child of God, and where there is enough. Love is universal, and is founded on grace — sometimes, even what appears patently unfair (look at all the parables Jesus taught, especially about the “Forgiving Father” in Luke 15 or the “Laborers in the vineyard” in Matthew 20).
Rohr writes that a “deeper, more compassionate grasp of [God’s way] seems impossible to the company man! The joiners and belongers really have no need for grace or mercy; they imagine that they got to ‘the top’ by their hard work, group loyalty, and good behavior, so they tend not to understand the totally unreasonable and irresponsible concept of grace. This is why groupthink and church loyalty are so commonly substituted for love of God. Loyalty is actually a form of co-codependency, giving us a warped sense of control and safety, while love is a dive into perfect freedom. Your loyalty could just as well be to General Motors.”**
This is not about shaming or pointing fingers. This is our collective struggle. And loyalty is not bad. We need it in some form — it helps us survive and create connection. But if we are going to do the healing work God is asking of us, we must make, in many ways, this uncomfortable leap from only loyalty into love. We must break the link with violence and an order of operations where everyone gets “what they deserve.” This is hard, hard work.
So I’m offering this up as our invitation this week. That we will remember we are followers of Jesus, first and foremost, and his rule of love comes before any form of loyalty we also hold. We can help each other make the leap.
*”Down by the Riverside,” an African-American spiritual
**Richard Rohr, The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom for an age of Outrage, p. 76.
A Prayer
Since I referenced Jesus’ parables, the call to lavish love, and because this is planting season, here is a prayer for that from my book, Ash and Starlight: Prayers for the Chaos and Grace of Daily Life, Second Edition.
When I need a new work done in me
Wild and lavish Sower,
Your pockets overflow with redemptive seed
which you grasp by the handful—
scattering hundreds of hope-filled truths
in every direction, on every soil.
You laugh with joy in the abundance of it all,
stretching your generous hands
toward a world hunkered down with
questions of scarcity and skepticism.
Make me ready for your seed, God,
make me ready!
Till and break and shake the
hardened clumps in my own soul –
the too comfortable heart
or complacent attitude,
the rock-hard opinions calcified
over years of narrow gazing.
Open me to change and growth.
Cultivate courage in me to embrace
the inherent loss that will catalyze
my best transformation.
I want to truly see and deeply hear
what you so graciously plant…
to sprout the roots needed for
my nourishment when I become
exhausted, bored, or overwhelmed.
Nurture in me the staying power
to give your message room to grow,
even as it asks for my greatest humility
(and at times, humiliation)!
You will never stop sowing,
nor ask for my readiness before
tossing some seeds at me.
And so today,
I will slow down
to seep in this quiet miracle—
the potential wrapped
in your Spirit-seed
settled in the soil of me.
Amen.
Mark 4:3–9, 20 * 2 Corinthians 9:8 * James 4:10
“And these are the ones sown on the good soil: they hear the
word and accept it and bear fruit…” Mark 4:20
Something that nourished me recently…
*My husband and I ran the Soldier Field 10 mile for the first time this weekend and it was a special experience to do the whole race together, side by side. The race was a very meaningful one, honoring the service of veterans. In the last mile before we entered Soldier Field for the final stretch, the path was lined with placards of women and men who died in combat. It made me emotional to read the signs as we ran by, many of these women and men in twenties and thirties.
*Seeing the Matisse exhibit at the Art Institute last week…a man who lived in a time of great political upheaval as well, and created beauty. I especially loved the quote next to this sketch of anemone flowers he made… “To find joy in the sky, the trees, the flowers. There are always flowers for those who want to see them.” — Matisse, Jazz
*Anderson Cooper has had some great episodes recently on his podcast about grief — “All there is.” His somewhat recent conversation with Sara Bareilles was one I really appreciated and recommend to you.
Ash and Starlight, plus other good things…
*MY CARDS AT LOST WILLOW BOOKS ~ A new array of my folded greeting cards are for sale at the lovely new bookstore in Wilmette, Lost Willow, on Central Street! Check out this beautiful store. Hoping to make some of these cards available later on my Etsy shop as well.
*FOURTH OF JULY RESOURCES ~ I will be taking a summer break from Monday Manna once again starting in a couple weeks, so I want to plug these now in light of today’s topic. Firstly, I am contributing to a Fourth of July Sunday resource/pastoral care package that Illustrated Ministry is putting together to help pastors navigate this year with the 250th anniversary. Click here to be made aware when the resource becomes available. And secondly, my friend MaryAnn McKibben Dana has been instrumental in leading faith250, “a program that invites faith leaders and communities across the country to form clusters of congregations to act as sacred spaces for listening to one another, clarifying our shared civic values, and celebrating our hopes for America.” Learn more about how you can get involved in that beautiful effort here.
* MY ETSY SHOP ~ Check out my Etsy shop for clothes, prints, pillows, and more. You can view the shop here . I send a portion of sales in my Etsy shop to Feed My Starving Children. Here’s a sneak peek of a few of the new listings…
*SECOND EDITION OF ASH AND STARLIGHT ~ Find the updated edition of my book here at Chalice or at the Bookshop link.
*MONDAY MANNA ARCHIVES ~ Monday Manna each week is free! Supporting supporters of Monday Manna can view previous Monday Manna reflections here, or for the really old stuff, go to my website.
*WHAT DOES MANNA MEAN? ~ Check out an earlier post to learn how this little bit of “daily bread” got its name…
Thank you so much, friends, for your commitment to the healing of our world and for helping our country become what we dream it will be. I pray we will follow the prophetic call toward peace, and “dive into perfect freedom” as we embrace an expansive love.
Love and Light,
Arianne
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Thank you for your insight, 🙏
"Nationalist idolatry" - well said.